Transmissions from Grudge Harbor

Take a look at Kevin Seifert’s excellent blog post about the Green Bay-Minnesota rivalry .

It seems the border war has hit a white-hot crescendo, and the blood has never been badder.

NFC North/NFC Central rivalries have always been most wicked when the head coaches and/or organizations shared a very special contempt for each other, e.g. Forrest Gregg/ Mike Ditka , and it looks as though the Minnesota/GB divide is one sweltering furnace of dislike. (To wit: At one point in Seifert’s story, McCarthy refrains from answering a question about the Vikes while holding his podium microphone in a vice-like grip.)

And via Cheesehead TV, McCarthy even lets a little hostility slip out with a comment about how the Norsemen go about their business .

I’ll admit, though, that some of the trash talk coming out of Viking Land is a tad disconcerting. It’s as if the Vikings players see a Favre -less Packer team as a wounded animal, and they’re licking their chops like bloodthirsty beasts of prey. (Who will feast on the leftover carrion from this feud? The Detroit Lions?)

Oh my, I sure hope Aaron Rodgers is ready for all of this.

OK. If you’re anything like me, you’ve got some anger bubbling inside of you due to Brett Favre’s asinine behavior this past summer.

But The Frisky Golden Retriever can still tell a good yarn.

Dig his “Ted Thompson/locker story,” as told to the New York media.

Pretty hilarious, actually, and it makes me kind of miss No. 4 a little bit.

Football Outsiders‘ Ben Riley has compiled an amazing list of NFL quotes in the PRO FOOTBALL PROSPECTUS: 2008.

Some awesome-super gems:

“We don’t need to make any dramastic changes.” — Eli Manning following the New York Giants’ 0-2 start.

“They told me I tweaked my oblique, which is awesome because I didn’t know I had any obliques. It’s good news, honestly. It’s in there somewhere, so I am really happy about that. I’m going to go home and tell my wife.” — Matt “Hassel the Beck” Hasselbeck.

“It’s a dog-eat-dog business. We’re living in the belly of the beast, and sometimes that beast has to regurgitate itself.” — Fred Taylor on the benching of Byron Leftwich.

“Probably some ribs, some chicken. ” — Fred Taylor on what quarterback Quinn Gray brings to the table.

“He told us that Rex was kind of a mental midget so you can get into his head and create that doubt.” — Chargers linebacker Matt Wilhelm regarding former Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera’s comments on Rex Grossman.

“People are throwing us underneath the radar.” — Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce in the 2007 preseason.

“The pizza man knows when he comes to my address, he’s coming for free. But I am real polite and I say, ‘Thank you, sir.’ ” — Lions wideout Roy Williams.

“When you lose a guy like me, you’re going to do whatever it takes to get the edge to win.” — former Patriots linebacker Tully Banta-Cain opining on the Pats and Spygate. (The sheer awesomeness of this quote puts it in the company of the immortal words of Englebert Humperdink, who upon learning of Elvis Presley’s death, is reported to have said: “I guess it’s up to me now.”)

“The before I got called by the Seahawks, I got pooped on by a cow.” — rancher-turned-long snapper Jared Retkofsky.

“I tell you this, Tony. Sometimes they can smell fresh cash.” — Jerry Jones‘ sage advice to Tony Romo regarding the latter’s supposed flirtations with Britney Spears.

I inadvertently stumbled upon a bit of Wisconsin out here in Portland tonight.

While riding the godforsaken No. 9 bus home from work, I noticed a large group of Japanese kids — coming from Portland State University — get off at the Aladdin Theater on Milwaukie Avenue to see the night’s performing artist, one Bon Iver.

Bon Iver? “Who’s that?” I wondered, imagining some neo-classical musician who might appeal to young Japanese intellectuals.

Not the case.

A quick looksee on the Internet revealed that Bon Iver is the musical persona of an Eau Claire chap who, to get the creative juices flowing for a recording project, “moved to a remote cabin in the woods of Northwestern Wisconsin at the onset of winter. He lived there alone for three months, filling his days with wood splitting and other chores around the land. This solitary time slowly began feeding a bold, uninhibited new musical focus. The days slowly evolved into nights filled with twelve-hour recording blocks, breaking only for trips on the tractor into the pines to saw and haul firewood, or for frozen sunrises high up a deer stand. All of his personal trouble, lack of perspective, heartache, longing, love, loss and guilt that had been stock piled over the course of the past six years, was suddenly purged into the form of song.”

Good enough. My curiosity is piqued, although I couldn’t find any of the guy’s songs available on LAST.FM.

But it sort of makes me pine for those ol’ Northern Wisconsin pines.

“Running back Noah Herron got into a shouting match with defensive lineman Cullen Jenkins during a team period. As Herron was walking back to the huddle, he flicked the ball behind him and it hit Jenkins in the groin. Jenkins then took himself out of the drill and was hunched over in pain.”

I secured a copy of Football Outsiders’ PRO FOOTBALL PROSPECTUS today. Interesting reading.

Here’s a few nuggets culled from its 490 (!) pages:

·         PFP projects an 11-win season for the Green Bay Packers. “Offensively, all the pieces are in place for a smooth transition to a world without Favre,” it says. “The Packers can replace a living legend with an average quarterback and still win the NFC North handily.”

·         This, despite the fact that Aaron Rodgers “started just 22 games at Cal; among first-round quarterbacks this decade, the only players with fewer college starts were Michael Vick and Akili Smith.” (My personal guess is that Rodgers is a tad smarter than each of those men, however.)

·         Should Brian Brohm supplant Rodgers as the starter in 2008, PFP has shockingly high expectations for him, namely 3,634 yards, 25 touchdowns and 13 picks. (After seeing Brohm struggle this preseason, though, I’d have to say such a projection is way, way off.)

·         PFP has Rodgers’ numbers projected at 307-for-497 (61.8%) for 3,729 yards with 25 TDs against 13 picks. (Which are almost mirror images of Brohm’s numbers, suggesting that PFP places a great deal of faith in Mike McCarthy and Joe Philbin’s skills as offensive playcallers.)

·         PFP sees Ryan Grant toting the rock 290 times for 1,296 yards, a 4.5 average and 9 TDs. (I’d say that’s right on the money provided Grant’s lost summer doesn’t carry over and tarnish his regular season numbers, an all-too-distinct possibility.)

·         PFP anticipates big things from Brandon Jackson too, suggesting that the second-year pro will crank out 509 yards on 93 carries for a robust 5.4 average per carry. (I’ll put that number at something closer to 3.8 yards per carry.)

·         PFP puts Greg Jennings’ projected reception total at 70. “He’s the ideal number two-receiver and just another reason why Aaron Rodgers is a sweet fantasy sleeper.”

·         Of sophomore James Jones, PFP says: “Some experts speculate that Jones, who spent most of his life in San Jose, had trouble playing in cold weather last season…Now that he’s survived a Green Bay winter, Jones should have little trouble playing in icy conditions. He’s a great third wideout who is ready for a starting job as soon as one becomes available.”

·         PFP has obviously noticed that the Packers are deeper than just about anybody at wideout. Its take on Ruvell Martin: “Eventually a six-foot-four deep threat with the ability to produce in high-leverage situations is going to fight his way onto the field. If Donald Driver gets old or James Jones’s late-season slump continues into September, Martin could have a breakout season.” (I don’t see James’ slump continuing at all, though, if preseason play is any indicator. The boy looks like an absolute stud-in-the-making. I do share PFP’s high regard for Martin, though.)

·         I love PFP’s analysis of Jordy Nelson’s place within the Pack’s offense: “The Packers’ modus operandi in the post-Favre era seems simple — we may not have our Hall-of-Fame quarterback any more, but we’ll kill your defense with a stacked roster of big receivers who can block and produce after the catch.” Indeed.

·         PFP lists safety Aaron Rouse as one of the NFL’s Top 25 up-and-coming prospects.

I recently came into possession of a No. 12 Aaron Rodgers jersey — which I wear with pride — and, suprisingly, the jersey is a real conversation-starter, even far away from Green Bay, out here in Oregon. (Pictured below: me in my Rodgers gear in the backyard.)

While walking through the Kubrick-esque confines of Timberline Lodge the other day in my A-Rodge jersey, I was accosted twice by total strangers, both of them ready to argue had I been game.

An approximation of our conversations:

Stranger No. 1: “So you’re a Rodgers guy, huh? Hmph. Seems to me if your team went 14-4, it’s not broke, so you shouldn’t fix it.”

Me: “Yeah, y’know, I’m a team guy…” (trailing off indecipherably)

Stranger No. 2: “Hey dude — that jersey’s gonna be a collector’s item when Brian Brohm takes over as the starter!”

Me: “Ha-ha!” (reciprocating with a polite-but-fake smile)

Interestingly, a forest fire erupted while I was up at the lodge. Here’s me in my Rodgers jersey, smiling happily and holding a children’s juice cup while the world goes up in flames behind me:

Not everyone in the media is falling prey to the Righteous Splendor of Frisky Brett Favre and His Golden Retriever-Like Enthusiasm .

Some are calling a spade a spade.

An anonymous NFL personnel man tells PRO FOOTBALL WEEKLY this:

“The problem with Brett Favre right now is that his ego is way too big. I know it’s difficult to pass up $12 million, but he does not have the arm he used to. He does not have the stamina. Age eventually catches up with all the great ones. The same thing happened to Dan Marino at the end of his career. He thought he could go out and win 16 games with his arm. So Jimmy Johnson finally told his offensive coordinator to let him throw it against Jacksonville that year. Throw it 60 times — throw the hell out of the ball. They wound up getting blown out. Marino didn’t have the same magic in his arm and went in to talk to Johnson after the game — he was mad that he did not put him in a good position to succeed. At some point, you have to trust your coach.”

And the WALL STREET JOURNAL’s Allen Barra deftly chimes in with analysis of Favre and an oft-overlooked statistic :

“Mr. Favre has probably been excused by fans for not winning a passer-rating title because its formula is so complex most fans don’t understand it. However, in the single most important passing stat, yards per attempt (YPA), he has also never led the league and finished as high as second only once (in 1995 with a 7.7 average). Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger currently leads the league in active players at over 8.1 yards per throw.”

And Florio at PFT points out more of Favre’s descent into narcissism here.

Methinks the transformation from Icon to Jerk has never proceeded so quickly in all of sports history.

Unrelated: I’m going to post something soon about how often Favre asks and answers his own damn questions in press conferences e.g “Am I too old to play? I don’t think so. Did I make the right decision in coming to New York? Time will tell. Do I want to give 100%? Hard to say. Am I more of a narcissistic diva than J-Lo? We’ll see…”

And so on and so forth. 

Jesus, what a mountain of ego-mania.

Here’s an interesting piece from FOX Sports’ Jay Glazer, who laments that the Brett Favre Saga prevented him from writing about Nazi memorabilia in Wisconsin bed-and-breakfasts and blood-splattered walls in Baltimore.

God, I love how mean-spirited and hateful the Packers-Vikings rivalry has become.

Check out Pat Williams ‘ recent comments in a great article by Michael Silver on Yahoo Sports:

“They’re going through all that as a team, trying to figure out if (Brett ) Favre or (Aaron ) Rodgers was the man, while we’ve got the same team we had all offseason. I’m glad they got all that darn press, ‘cause when we go down there it’ll be the kid’s first start and his first damn loss.”

Oh, and regarding Ryan Grant and the Packers’ stable of running backs…

"I’m going to try to crush all of ‘em. That’s been the focus of my whole summer – the Green Bay Packers .”

And gifted orator Jared Allen chips in with some colorful thoughts on Rodgers:

“Playing Green Bay on Monday night to start the season – that’s everything you want. Hopefully, I can put my helmet square in the back of his spine . If I can do that and knock the ball loose, it’ll be a good day.”

Can’t wait for Sept. 8.

And finally the No. 4 saga is over.    

Or is it?

Now Brett gets to "tutor" young Kellen Clemens , a former Oregon Duck.

And speaking of Clemens, my elephant-like memory recalls an instance back in 2004, when I was writing a couple of stories about former Ducks in the NFL for this fancypants newspaper . (At the time, I kept getting beligerent e-mails from a rabid Ducks fan whose last name was "Clemens .")

Ever the journalistic sleuth, I tracked said e-mailer’s hometown to a location not far from the young Jet’s birthplace.

Naturally, I surmised that the blowhard was related to Kellen and, hell, I am probably right.

None of this is relevant to anything, I realize, but I would like to end this post with additional useless information, namely that Clemens was born 10 years to the day after I was .

So, cheers, Gemini friend, Kellen Clemens, ye of the annoying bloodlines.

Enjoy our Brett Lorenzo Favre, he of the annoying storylines.

Just a brief post today to help myself and my brothers and sisters in Packer Nation make sense of Ari Fleischer ’s wartime spin-speak, as channeled by Mark Murphy :

God, I hope "we’ve already crossed the Rubicon" becomes a new and regular addition to the NFL coach-speak lexicon.

Now that Favregate has insinuated itself into all of our lives on a daily basis, can Packer fans do me a favor and learn not only the proper spelling of Favre (F-A-V-R-E, never F-A-R-V-E) but also the proper spelling of Aaron Rodgers? (It’s R-O-D-G-E-R-S, not R-O-G-E-R-S).

This really bugs me when I see it on blogs, chats, etc.

Favre has been our quarterback since 1992, but Diehard Joe Fan from Sobieski Corners still cannot get the spelling right.

What gives, people? Wisconsin schools are among the best in the nation — I have learned this by living out-of-state the past nine years and seeing what sewage lagoons the education systems of Oregon, Washington and New Mexico are.

Why is it that our Children of the Corn — and by children, I mean adult Packer fans frothing at the mouth in online chats with Cliff Christl — cannot spell the names of two of the most visible people to ever set foot in the state?

It’s a disgrace.

Didn’t Ted Thompson say something at the shareholders meeting about the Packers being a family? A family that occasionally disagrees?

I wonder if he still feels that way, and I wonder if some sort of marketing deal with Sears could be brokered wherein Ted, Brett Lorenzo , Bus Cook and Mark Murphy are gathered for a photo-op in front of a cheaply-designed nature scene…

Part of me — a cold, dark part — wants to see Brett in a Vikings uniform in the Monday night opener.

If only for the "surreal" element it will provide.

I had visions yesterday of Brett descending down upon Lambeau from a purple-golden sky wearing a jester’s hat — he’s throwing little hand-held bombs at Mike McCarthy similar to the Green Goblin ’s pumpkin bombs, but these are shrunken Ted Thompson heads. Rush’s "Tom Sawyer" is blaring out of the Lambeau public address system and Favre’s mouth is revealed to be a fang-covered maw not unlike Venom ’s. There are chimpanzee eyes where Favre’s normal, human eyes used to be. McCarthy is dodging the Ted Thompson pumpkin bombs and the assembled crowd is screaming and shrieking with fear. Some of the more cultured fans in attendance are aware that sheets of acid have been slipped into everyone’s Coors Light. Favre’s jester’s hat is morphing into giant, scary tentacles that wrap themselves around Lee Remmel ’s neck and Larry McCarren ’s leg. Scott Favre and the Ghost of Irvin are throat-punching members of the UW marching band. Bus Cook’s massive floating countenance is levitating above the Shopko jumbotron in sinister fits of laughter. Ryan Longwell and Brad Childress are in the atrium rubbing ointment on each others’ nude backside. Darren Sharper looks at his hands and is astonished to see that quaking, fleshy clumps have taken their place. Mason Crosby is hitting golf balls in a tranquil, placid scene off in the distance. Santa Claus is crying. Mitch Albom is wearing a rubber Nixon mask, asking people questions. The sun is shaped like a skull and is bleeding.

It’s a nightmare.

I’m too depressed about Favregate and all its twists and turns to effectively comment on it. It’s killing my soul. Lies, bribes, subterfuge…it reads more like an Elmore Leonard novel than real life.

As a diversion, I offer some useless knowledge culled from the pages of the NFL’s 2008 Kickoff Information Guide :

On paper, Pittsburgh has the toughest schedule in 2008. New England has the easiest.

Seattle traveled the most miles in 2007 — a whopping total of 34,766. Cleveland traveled the least at 6,416.

Philip Rivers — a.k.a. Prince Namor — has the best winning percentage among active quarterbacks not named Tom Brady . (That list doesn’t include a certain honorary member of Mississippi’s Oak Grove High School varsity squad).

Dick Nixon played running back at Whittier College, John F. Kennedy played wide receiver at Harvard University and Ronald Reagan was a guard at Eureka College.

Here are some foreign-born Packers: Colin Cole (Canada), Jon Ryan (Canada), Atari Bigby (Jamaica) and Abdul Hodge (Virgin Islands).

San Diego’s Igor Olshansky — whom yours truly interviewed a few years ago — is the son of a Russian Army soldier and the grandson of a World War II Red Army soldier.

Matthew McConaughey — he of the "I’m Not Afraid of Commitment, Ladies, But Just Try to Catch This Fish!"-type insipid romantic comedies — is the son of a former Packer draft pick, James McConaughey .

Former Dallas Cowboys personnel man Gil Brandt says Brian Brohm ’s understudy at Louisville — Hunter Cantwell — is part of a new wave of studly collegiate QBs.

Ryan Grant — he of the ill-advised holdout — had 11 rushes of 20 or more yards last season, a total bested only by LaDanian Tomlinson and Willie Parker .

Packers rookie Breno Giacomini was once a hot dog vendor at Fenway Park.

Ryan Pickett ’s nickname is "Big Grease."

Mason Crosby hits at least 60 golf balls two days before every game.

Darren Sharper never touches his hands before a game.

Jacksonville’s Brian Williams says Lambeau Field is his favorite place to play. "Their fans are real crazy," he remarks.

Aaron Rodgers says Mark Tauscher is the funniest member of the Packers roster. "From just the way he looks to everything he says."

Jon Ryan , somewhat shockingly, is the third-most effective punter among all active punters (in terms of gross average). Only Oakland’s Shane Lechler and Dallas’s Mat McBriar are superior.

New Baltimore coach John Harbaugh says his most embarrassing football moment was at Lambeau Field in 2000, when he and Brad Childress were caught rubbing ointment all over each others’ backs in preparation for the cold weather. (Seriously).